


The World To Come

by yuletide_archivist



Category: The Sopranos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-24
Updated: 2006-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-25 08:23:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1641290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Story by fairy_tale_echo</p><p>They have no idea the things Carmela DeAngelis remembers, they have no idea about the sacrifices she's made, the prayers she's said, or the places she's been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The World To Come

**Author's Note:**

> Written for anotherjuxtaposition

 

 

 _We look for the resurrection of the dead,_  
and the life of the world to come.  
-The Nicene Creed

\----

Her daughter thinks she has no idea what it means to be young. Oh, Carmela DeAngelis could tell _you_ a thing or two about being young, Miss Meadow Soprano!

Carmela DeAngelis could tell you all about wearing the right pair of tight jeans and a top that's low-cut. (But not _too_ low, because you're not one of those low-class Jersey girls, after all.) She could tell you about how to tease your hair, how to get all the boys to stare as you and the girls stalked past them on a hot Saturday night, when everyone who is anyone is looking their best and out on the strut.

Carmela DeAngelis also knows a little something about flirting with men that are a little thuggish and a little dangerous and very rough around the edges, although Miss Meadow Soprano would turn up her nose and forget the name Jackie Aprile, Jr., thank you very much.

Yes, there are dangerous secrets a young girl keeps, ones she never forgets, no matter how old she seems to her children, no matter how familiar she becomes to her husband. And Carmela DeAngelis remembers all these secrets, even when everyone else just sees Carmela Soprano smiling out.

\----

It wasn't until the morning of her wedding, staring at herself in the full-length mirror that Carmela thought about the full impact her decision was going to have.

 _"Marriage is a holy sacrament,"_ her mother had cautioned her the night before _"and it's not something that you can just walk away from. Ever. No matter what."_

Looking at the yards and yards of white satin brocade, Carmela knew that her mother had not just been talking about the Holy Roman Catholic Church, the promises to God and Jesus she was about to make, but also of the promises she was about to make to the Soprano family, to the life that Tony had already been promised to. That would be her life, after today, that would be the holy sacrament she would be bound to.

Tony Soprano would never let her walk away. Ever. No matter what. _From this day forward_ there would be no more Carmela DeAngelis, even if her Ma and Pa came over every Sunday for a five course meal, she would be a Soprano and nothing else. She knew it, her family knew it, and the Soprano family knew it most of all.

She smoothed her veil down, and glanced at the shining diamond ring on her finger. Then she thought of Tony's breath, hot on her ear, whispering that every dream she had ever had could be hers, **would** be hers, that together they would do amazing, fantastic things. She thought of Tony's hands, pushing up her shirt, as she ghosted the words, _wait - slow down - oh God_ against his neck.

She didn't want it any other way.

\----

When Livia Soprano kissed her after the ceremony, her lips were as dry as rice paper against Carmela's cheek. Tony had been lightly clasping Carmela's upper arm: hugging, smiling, and kissing everyone that came through the receiving line, a smile that practically lit up the room on his face the whole time. When his mother finally came through _(why hadn't she been first in line? Why had she been sitting in the back of the church, as if she couldn't be bothered to do more?)_ Tony's grip became iron, and the smile froze on his face, but didn't move up to his eyes.

"Carmela, dear," Livia had said, keeping her eyes somehow on Tony the whole time "welcome to the family."

It was the first time Carmela had heard the word "family" as a threat.

It would not, of course, be the last.

\----

Sometimes, she would look at her favorite pieces of jewelry and wonder which ones her husband had bought as a secret consolation after he had screwed some other woman.

She hadn't thought that at first, naturally, it would never occur to her to think of something like that. But the years pass, and even when your husband has, well, an _interesting_ business there's only so long you can write off his absences and late-nights. The years pass, and you have a hard time remembering Carmela DeAngelis, and you have two kids that cry, and a whole other life where people who used to eat supper at your house disappear and are never spoken about again. And then you start to look at the shiny pieces of jewelery, the new fur coats, and the bouquets of flowers, in a different light. At that point, Carmela isn't even _suspicious_ about the gifts and sudden bursts of attention, she is only _curious_.

What sin is this one paying for? What transgression will she be praying over for accepting this gift? What unspoken error is her husband trying to compensate for this time?

She can't keep track anymore, and so she doesn't even try.

\----

That Sayuri, she understood.

She understood what it meant to have two names, to one day be Chiyo and the next day be Sayuri.

She understood what it meant to have the whole world think you were one thing, one common, dull, insulting thing, when really, underneath, you were a whole other thing - a whole other _person_.

Oh, there was all that silly stuff in _Memoirs of a Geisha_ , and all that junk they probably taught Meadow in college, about symbolism and themes. But that wasn't what the book was **about** , and Carmela felt sorry for anyone who didn't understand.

It was a book about the life you thought you were going to have, and then the life you ended up with instead. Sayuri, she knew all about that. She knew that you grabbed what you wanted with both hands, and you stayed committed to getting it, no matter what anyone told you otherwise.

All that bullshit Tony believes about how he's a self-made man, all those lies her children tell themselves about how much different their lives are gonna be - they don't _know_.

They have no idea the things Carmela DeAngelis remembers, they have no idea about the sacrifices she's made, the prayers she's said, or the places she's been.

And they sure don't know what it took for Carmela DeAngelis, that girl with the tight jeans and coy smile, to become Carmela Soprano.

But, in the end, that's just fine. Because, like marriage and family, there are some secrets that are sacred.

\----

 


End file.
